And that is why in my present life I'm doing absolutely nothing, I need the rest.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
But the truth is, I was in hell.
You asked if i was ok because i was quiet this week, I said I had a cold, the truth is that I tried to kill myself and inbetween being in choc, convulsing or breaking something in my body I didn't have much time left for chatting.
I can barely feel anything from 2 of my, left hand, finger. Making the use of the Shift key very annoying. there is now a scar on my left shoulder that looks like someone try to stabbed me in the back. From all the convulsions (Think hardcore epilepsy attacks) I have other random wound all over my body. I did hit the back of my head on the brick wall at the end of my bed...
I remember crying. I remember screaming. I remember trying to stand up and falling down in convulsions. I remember my entire body constantly hitting something as I awoke in my tiny bathroom, my head going from the toilet to the wall in a rhythm supported by my right elbow smashing the sink. There was piss on the floor..
I was out for 2 days. When I came back I was able to crawl into bed and stayed there for one more day. I said to myself:"So, this is what dying alone feels like."
I never saw my life in flashbacks but I saw a great many thing that wasn't there, haunted, for almost 3 days by all the pain that was and still is in me.
I want to be better now but something deep in me can't believe that I "missed" again. Oh well, until next time..
I do wish it had only been a cold.
I am sorry I lied.
at 4:07 PM
Sunday, October 4, 2009
I decided to become an alcoholic. I don't know what kind of alcoholic tho. Beer-alcoholic is out of the question, that's like the lowest class of alcoholism. Wine could be good but it takes me 2 day to get over the hang over. ^^ If Scotch wasn't so expensive I would have definitely have gone with it but I can't drink cheap Scotch, tho I guest that won't matter once I'm an alcoholic!? Martini Roso could be interesting. It taste good and it's really affordable. It's like wine tho so the hang over could be terrible!? Except that when you are an alcoholic you don't really get hang over since you start to drink as soon as you wake up... Martini wouldn't do well with cereal.. Breakfast is more of a Bailey's thing but that stuff is expensive!!.. Milk and rum?.. I'll try Vodka and seen where that takes me...
at 4:18 PM